From Ask Lutz

Matchmaker?

Dear Lisa,

My Mom is the sweetest most loving person alive. My parents divorced 6 years ago. Since then, my Mom has dated a couple of men but has been discouraged further by things not working out. I know she's afraid she'll be alone for the rest of her life and at 50, doesn't see many options as far as single men in her age group. All of her friends are married and so she has a hard time getting out there and meeting people without feeling like a 5th wheel.

I want to help her but I don't know what to do! I tried going out with her but I think I might have taken the attention away from her. She's kind of shy and isn't very self-confident but she's willing to try new things and is so much fun to be around.

Signed,

Matchmaker?


***

Dear Matchmaker,

You are certainly a thoughtful daughter. To begin, please have your mom check out my recent advice to Mousy in Massachusetts. Let’s be frank: A woman with the self-confidence of a George Foreman would pretty hard to resist.

Lately, whenever I ask couples how they met, most of them say they met either on the Internet or through personal ads. Sure, it is not the most romantic approach. In a perfect world we would all meet our future mates at the Car Wash. But life isn’t perfect and sometimes you have to improvise. The fact is, I know of at least a handful of marriages resulting from people who met through a less orthodox, but more direct approach. Depending on where your mother lives, she could check out the local paper or Craig's List seems to have a solid personal connection section. Your mother might resist at first. Simply ignore her. It’s hard for anyone to get used to the idea of describing themselves in 20 words or less and then filtering through 100 replies (98% psychotic) to simply go out to dinner with someone.

To make this easy on both of you, I suggest you—daughter—check out some local personal ad listings yourself. From what I can tell, more men are willing to place ads than woman and so you should have plenty to choose from. As much as I like to be helpful, I’m afraid that I am unavailable to personally interrogate all of your mother’s potential suitors. I have, however, been kind enough to come up with a quiz to help you anticipate potential bad dates.

Are you okay enough to date my mom quiz.

1. My preferred morning beverage is:

a) a strong cup of coffee (0 pts.)
if he calls it Joe (2 pts.)
b) herbal tea with a slice of lemon (5 pts.)
c) whisky with a beer back (10 pts.)
d) a warm cup of Bovril (15 pts.)

2. The thing I look for most in a woman is:

a) highlighted hair (5 pts.)
b) a nice caboose (3 pts.)
c) a sense of humor (0 pts.)
d) a warm personality (0 pt.)
e) the ability to do dishes (10 pts.)

3. Have you ever tried removing your socks, while still wearing shoes?

a) Yes (10 pts.)
b) No (0 pts.)
c) I’ve thought about it, but never attempted (5 pts.)

4. I brush my teeth . . .

a) 2x a day (0 pts.)
b) after every meal (1 pt.)
c) on a weekly basis (20 pts.)
d) No, I send them out (15 pts.)

5. Complete this sentence: I hate ___________

a) puppies (10 pts.)
b) kittens (10 pts.)
c) Fabio (5 pts.)
d) Joey Ramone (25 pts.)
e) Kermit the frog (15 pts.)

Total the potential suitor’s score and reference the following key:

0-10 pts. – can probably date your mom without incident.
10-20 pts. – should not date your mom, unless you accompany her on date.
20+ should not date your mom . . . ever.

Matchmaker, I hope my quiz and I have been some help to you. Good luck to you and your mom. And remember, should you need any other quizzes in the future, don’t hesitate to Ask Lutz.

Best Wishes,

Lisa

*Please provide quiz to potential suitors without scoring key, because some people like to cheat.

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