From Ask Lutz

More Cat Trouble?



Dear Lisa,

You offered us unprofessional advice before with our Cat Trouble?, but now we need more.

Our cat suddenly started acting very differently, but only sometimes. A lot of the time, she is the same as we are used to, but sometimes, it is like she is a totally different cat--except, she looks exactly the same.

For example, our cat usually never plays with cat toys and acts like they are the plague (or, like we are lame for even thinking cat toys are fun). But sometimes now, all of a sudden, she plays with cat toys like it is the entire purpose of her life (and, like, we are lame for not dedicating our entire lives to cat toys).

On top of all this, she suddenly started eating twice as much food. Then, there were a couple of times where she walked by us in one direction, and then walked by again in the same direction a few minutes later—you know, like in the Matrix.

So, we started thinking maybe we have two cats, and it is one of those evil twin things we keep hearing about in the papers and on TV. Oh, I guess it could be like one of those evil parallel universe things too. There are just so many scientific theories about this kind of thing out there that we just don't know what to do. I mean, how do we explain this to our families? What if the government finds out? What about the children?

Please advise.

Sincerely,

Now Very Nervous in Noe Valley
(formerly Concerned in the Castro)


***

Dear Nervous,

Yes, I remember you. While I’ve got nothing against repeat business, I think I should remind you not to abuse the free services of Ask Lutz. In fact, should I hear from you again, expect a bill along with your advice.

So, you live in San Francisco. That’s a great city. A city that provides an endless supply of leisure activities such as museums and art galleries, restaurants and bars, movie theatres, nightclubs, and even beaches and parks. Do you know what all these things have in common? You'll rarely find a cat in any of them. Do you get my drift? What I’m saying is, GET OUT OF YOUR HOUSE AND GET AWAY FROM YOUR CAT.

Now let me address this preposterous evil twin theory: Your cat does NOT have an evil twin and it would be in your best interest to keep theories like that to yourself. I do, however, think it’s possible that you have two cats and simply forgot about one of them, because I firmly believe your lack the mental stability to count properly. Perhaps when you acquired your cat, a two for one deal was on the table and you couldn’t pass up the bargain. This is merely speculation. I can’t say for sure. If you would like to pay for my flight to San Francisco and put me up in a four star hotel for the night, I’d be more than happy to count your cats for you and to put this matter to rest once and for all.

Forget about the parallel universe. Really. Here’s the thing: If a parallel universe theory were responsible for a cat's evil twin, then most likely you too would have an evil twin—a most unpleasant idea. I can just see the Ask Lutz mailbox overflowing with cat problems: My cat keeps stealing the sports section. What to do?; How can I get my cat to start flossing regularly?; What should I do when my cat’s check bounces? I would like to reiterate that I am not an expert on cats. Plus, I am not, nor have I ever been, a veterinarian.

Nervous, I would like to encourage you to stop playing with cat toys, develop more interests in non-cat related activities, and consider skipping the Matrix sequel when it finally comes to theatres. While the film is garnering rave reviews, I fear it’s putting too many ideas into your head. Pay your taxes and the government will leave you alone, please DON’T mention this to your family—it will only be received as a cry for help. And, what children are you talking about? The last question was rhetorical. Feel no need to respond.

Best Wishes,

Lisa

Next Ask Lutz: Make that a Double

Prev Ask Lutz: Unworthy of Mortgage?