From Ask Lutz

Bothered Bride

Dear Lisa,

I'm getting married in 6 months and one of my bridesmaids just found out she's pregnant! I come from an extremely conservative family of which the girls are well aware. Eight months ago when I asked each to be in my wedding I had to tell them that if they were to get pregnant, I couldn't have them since none of them are married. My father won't stand for it. It breaks my heart and I don't know what to do! I'm not siding with my dad, but I understand his viewpoint and yet at the same time I don't want to lose my friend. Do I keep her in the wedding against my father's will or is it enough that I told her beforehand the "consequences" of getting pregnant?


Bothered Bride


Dear Bothered,

Wow. You think ahead. The mere fact that you warned your bridesmaids ahead of time that they would be cut from the team if they got themselves knocked up gets you off the hook in the etiquette department. Actions have consequences. If you rob a bank, you go to jail. If you drink 12 shots of even the best bourbon, you’ll get a hangover. If you buy a dog, you have to walk it and feed it. If you buy a ferret, you must bathe it every three to four weeks. So everybody knows that if you get pregnant, you can’t be a bridesmaid. Did it ever occur to you that your friend got pregnant so that she wouldn’t have to be? The first thing you should do, Bothered, is talk to Pregnant Bridesmaid and see where she stands on the issue.

But the fact is, if it were not for your father, Pregnant Bridesmaid would still be on the team. Am I right? Here are a few solutions to this situation that you may not have considered:

Is it absolutely necessary that your father attend the wedding? Just a thought. If it is imperative, why on earth does he have to know that Pregnant Bridesmaid is in fact pregnant? Honesty isn’t always the best policy. I don’t know what idiot came up with that one. Even if bridesmaid is 8 months pregnant, simply insist that no one own up to that fact. If he should ask, “Isn’t that Kimmy unmarried and pregnant?” Ask him what on earth he’s talking about and suggest he take a nap. The lie won't hurt anyone and the nap might do him wonders.

Another thought: I could call your dad and go over some of the changes that modern society brings. Seriously, I’d be happy to. Sounds to me like he’s out of the loop and maybe just needs a refresher course. In fact, this letter has prompted me to begin preparations on my own two-day seminar for dads who have lost touch with reality. I’m still working on the official title, but it will cost $250 a head with a special rate for groups of 10 or more.

If you would prefer that I not speak to your father and my seminar doesn’t come in time, then you yourself must sit your father down and explain to him that there are far worse things than a pregnant bridesmaid. I’ve come up with a list for you since I know you’re busy planning your wedding and everything.

Things Worse Than a Pregnant Bridesmaid

  1. Sloppy drunk bridesmaid
  2. Bridesmaid with a chip on her shoulder and hot temper.
  3. Bridesmaid secretly in love with the groom.
  4. Pregnant bridesmaid secretly in love with the groom.
  5. Bridesmaid wanted for armed robbery.

(A longer list can be provided upon request.)

I hope I have been some help to you, Bothered. If not, please Ask Lutz again.

Best wishes and happy wedding,


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