From Ask Lutz

Make that a Double

Dear Readers,

While I am not an expert on weddings and anniversaries, some people think I am. Please enjoy a double dose of Ask Lutz, on the house.




Dear Lisa,

My husband and I are coming up on our one year anniversary, and I have no idea what to get him. I know that it is considered the paper anniversary, but I am having a hard time being creative. Do I get him the deed to something, or more along the lines of stationery? Please help me get creative, I want to be original.


Mind Boggled in Missouri


Dear Mind Boggled,

Thank you for your fine question. If you ask me (which you are), the deed to a footstool is better than some crummy old stationery. But I’m not sure what kind of deeds and what kind of stationery we’re talking about. If you’re talking the deed to a house, go with that. The deed to a boat or a truck or a canoe, go with that. I’d estimate that the scales will be tipped once we go down to, say, the deed to a tree. Let’s say the option is between a deed to a tree or stationery. Hmm. Maybe your husband really likes stationery. A man, with a fetishistic obsession with fine letterhead, would most certainly prefer an elegant and subtlely monogrammed set of note cards and envelopes to the deed to a tree. But if your husband doesn’t write letters and doesn’t, in general, show an unusual affection for office products, then I suggest going with the deed so long as it is a deed to something. An antique deed (translation: really old piece of paper that you might stick in a frame) that is useless these days or would require a lengthy court battle to become useful does not sound like a great gift. But that’s me. Your husband may like old and useless pieces of paper. I don’t know him, so I can’t answer that question. I let you be the judge.

On a parting note, let me remind you of another item that is made out of paper: money.

I hope I have been some help to you, Boggled. If not, please send a letter of complaint.

Best Wishes and Happy Anniversary,



Dear Lisa,

Ok here's the situation--one of my bridesmaids just told me she is trying to get pregnant. Now whether she is or isn't at the time of my wedding really doesn't bother me, I asked her to be one of my bridesmaids because she is a close friend of mine.

What does bother me is the manner in which I found out. The store fromwhich all of the bridesmaid dresses were ordered called me to let me know that all of my bridesmaids had placed their orders with the exception of this one and that they wouldn't order any of the dresses until all of the orders were in. So naturally I decided to call her to see what was up, because I had given them a deadline to get their orders in by and that had long since passed.

Anyway, I got her on the phone and she said she was unsure of what size to order, I asked "Didn't you get measured?" she said yes but that she and her husband had decided to try and get pregnant and although she wasn't pregnant now, she possibly could be by the time of the wedding. I was a little thrown back because this was the first that I had heard of it and it wasn't exactly the way that I think she should have told me, me having to call her to find out.

Basically, I know that whatever she has going on in her life does not revolve around my wedding. But since I had asked her to be a bridesmaid, I think it would have been courteous to give me a heads up and see if that changed whether I still wanted her as a bridesmaid. It's my wedding but she never gave me that option.

So now my fiancé and I are in a disagreement. He says that does it really matter how I found out, either way I was going to have her in the wedding. I say even though I would still have her in the wedding, it was not courteous the way I found out. She should have let me know without me having to call her to ask a question and then get broad sided with this.

Etiquette wise, who is right?


Etiquette Obsessed, Procrastinating Bride


Dear Etiquette Obsessed,

I hope you don’t mind, but I took the liberty of giving you a sign-off name, since you used your own. Ask Lutz is all about anonymity, so even if you write to me using your real name, I’ll give you a fake one when I post. ‘Etiquette Obsessed, Procrastinating Bride’ seemed to fit. In fact, maybe I should put ‘procrastinating’ first, because I think that’s your biggest problem.

What are you doing writing long letters to me when you’ve got a wedding to plan?!!!!

Here’s my answer to your question: Who cares who is right? You got stuff to do, people to meet, in-laws to placate, negotiations to make, and dresses to fit. People who are trying to get pregnant often don’t like to talk about it for various reasons. Many women don’t even announce they’re pregnant until they’re at least three months along. That said, your bridesmaid should have come up with a plan so that she wouldn’t hold up the fittings for the other bridesmaids, but she was not required to tell you that she was trying to get knocked up.

If she were aware of the inconvenience that her delay caused and did nothing to alleviate the situation, then I must consider her contrite and rude. It is really quite simple: If bridesmaid does not know whether she will be pregnant or not during wedding, she must either buy two dresses or buy one big dress and have it altered on her own closer to the date. If this situation has not already been resolved, you should feel confident instructing bridesmaid in the above manner.

That said, stop procrastinating, Obsessed, and get back to your planning.

Best Wishes and Congratulations,


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